Emotional Intelligence: How to Lead Yourself Through Big Feelings

Project Choose Love
May 5
3 min read

THE SHIFT FROM REACTION TO LEADERSHIP

Last week, you learned the power of the pause— how to notice your emotions, create space, and respond with intention instead of reacting on autopilot.

But what happens after the pause?

How do you move forward when emotions are still big? How do you continue leading yourself—and others—without falling back into old patterns?

That’s where emotional intelligence comes in.

Emotional intelligence isn’t about controlling how you feel. It’s about leading yourself through what you feel.

It’s about staying clear, calm, and centered—even when emotions are loud.

WHAT EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE REALLY MEANS

Most people think emotional intelligence means controlling your reactions. But it starts much deeper than that.

Emotional intelligence starts within. It’s rooted in self-awareness.

It’s not about suppressing anger or denying sadness. It’s about understanding why you feel the way you feel—without judgment, without shame.

It’s recognizing that your emotions are messengers, not mistakes. And that you can learn to move with them instead of against them.

You’re not failing because you feel. You’re growing because you’re willing to feel—and still lead yourself wisely.

FEEL IT, NAME IT, TAME IT

When emotions rise, most people either react or repress.

But there’s a third option: Feel it. Name it. Tame it.

When you name what you're feeling, you take away its ability to control you.

Studies show that naming emotions activates the prefrontal cortex—the logical part of your brain—and reduces emotional intensity.

The eight core emotions—anger, disgust, sadness, surprise, fear, trust, joy, anticipation—can be used as a map.

By identifying what you're feeling, you shorten the emotional wave. You restore your power. You shift from being inside the storm to observing it—and choosing your response.

CHAOS VS CLARITY

Emotional chaos feels urgent, overwhelming, and all-consuming.

It’s when you react from pain, survival, and old wounds without pausing to check the full truth.

Emotional clarity feels grounded, calm, and spacious. It’s when you can witness the emotion without becoming it. It’s when you realize: I am not this wave—I am the ocean it moves through.

The clearer you become inside, the less chaos will have control over your decisions, relationships, and peace.

You don't have to attend every emotional storm you're invited to. You get to choose where your energy goes.

EMOTIONAL ENERGY IS CURRENCY

Think of your emotional energy like a bank account. Where you invest your feelings matters.

When you pour emotional energy into drama, resentment, or fear—you’re depleting yourself. When you invest emotional energy into peace, clarity, love, or growth—you’re multiplying yourself.

Not every conversation deserves your energy. Not every situation deserves your reaction. Not every emotion needs to become a behavior.

Choosing where to place your emotional currency is a radical act of self-leadership.

COMPASSION OVER CONTROL

We can't control other people. We can't control every outcome. We can't even control every feeling that rises within us.

But we can always choose compassion— for ourselves, and for others.

Compassion isn't weakness. It's strength rooted in understanding.

You don’t have to fix everyone. You don’t have to save everyone. You don't have to be perfect to be worthy of peace.

You only have to lead yourself with honesty, grace, and trust.

LEADING YOURSELF FIRST

Emotional intelligence is not about managing other people. It’s about managing your own relationship with your inner world.

It’s about knowing where you end and someone else begins.

You don’t lead by controlling others. You lead by embodying peace. By regulating your own nervous system. By holding steady inside your own emotional landscape—even when others are in chaos.

The more you lead yourself, the less attached you become to external validation, outcomes, or appearances.

You become your own safe place. You become your own anchor. You become your own guide.

And from there—real leadership is born.

FINAL REFLECTION

You are not here to be ruled by your emotions. You are here to honor them, learn from them, and move with clarity.

Emotional intelligence isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. It’s about choosing love, clarity, and truth—even when it would be easier to fall back into fear.

You are stronger than your impulses. You are wiser than your wounds. You are the leader you’ve been waiting for.

And it all starts within.

"Your journey to transformation begins with a single choice – the choice to bridge your mind and heart, to choose love over fear, and to embrace your inherent worth."